In spite of my not going across Canada I still planned to live my message. I couldn’t in good faith tell everyone not to wait and then me wait till things were better. So my son finished my van and I left home to explore Ontario.

I have been gone just over 2 weeks and am finding it to be a great experience. As for the van, it needs a few minor tweaks. Nothing that I wasn’t able to problem solve myself while on the road. For instance, the cupboard doors and drawers open when I make right hand turns. They close when I turn left. To fix this for the time being, I merely added some of those 3M Command hooks top and bottom and wrapped string between them. There is still a little movement but nothing than can’t be rectified with the right magnets installed.

Being on my own, it was clear that I needed to be mindful of how much I exposed the living quarters of my vehicle so I committed to using the front driver’s seat to step into the back of the van. I simply part heavy curtains and voila…there is my living room et el. It made perfect sense that as I stepped in, I should back out. This I only did once as it proved to require more awareness of my size than I had anticipated. Stepping back my first morning at a very early hour, I startled myself and probably others when I sat on the horn. Lesson learned: step into the back and step out from the back. No more horns.

I am sure there will be other things for me to learn as I discover what it is like to live in my tiny home.

If you would like to follow my journey this summer, join my community …

https://www.facebook.com/groups/dontdiebeforeyouredead

or

www.dontdiebeforeyouredead.ca

www.merrimacartney.com

We had bought a sailboat although we didn’t know how to sail and amidst the nay-sayers who thought we were being foolish. It turned out that it wasn’t a foolish thing to do at all. We learned how to sail in and out of our local harbor and eventually to even go further out to sea – so to speak. For many summers we sailed forth into great adventures where we would often lay anchor and while away the time together – even writing a book: The Boomerang Effect.

A couple of years after Joe passed away, I realized how fortunate I was to have lived so fully and to have all those priceless memories and so a dream was born.  I got busy writing a book/journal which told my life story but also provided a calendar/journal for readers to start living their own journey. And with that book was the book signing/speaking tour called Don’t Die Before You’re Dead to inspire others to not wait but rather to live now while you can, able bodies and mentally strong.  The message was “You might not be able to do everything, but you can do something.”

Then Covid struck in early 2020 and the idea of my six month cross Canada tour became completely uncertain. People I spoke to didn’t want to make plans. Nothing could be firmed up as we waited to see how things were going to shake out. As it was, my regular clients ended up cancelling, hopefully postposing, workshops and presentations as meetings were discontinued. We didn’t know that it would become so severe well into 2021.

My message is still valid and in good faith I set out to find the perfect vehicle to convert to my mini-camper for my solo tour. I was not to be put off as I lived my message of living as fully as I can.

I found this van and promptly set out to work with my son to do the conversions. He was amazing. In spite of laughing at my thought of having a “hallway” in such a small space, he listened and created one for me. With all the other work he had to do, it was finished for the lifting of our lockdown order. Two days later I hit the road.

My plan has changed. It would seem that now my tour is a journey of discovery. A discovery of Ontario for this summer; a discovery of how well suited the camper van is to my road-tripping and of course self discovery as I learn how to create this wonderful adventure on my own.

As restrictions lift, it is harder to make the decision to make the tour next year. The point is though that I am not cancelling and that I am open to choose my own adventure now. This will be on my dime as opposed to having sponsors or the speaking engagements but none-the-less it will be filled to the brim with new memories to cherish.

I have only been gone 11 days and I have already met some amazing people who are eager to follow my journey. I am happy for them but want them not to just live through me but to fully live themselves. I hope you will be one of them.

Have your journeyed lots? Got some tips and advice for me? Come join my community at:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/dontdiebeforeyouredead

Contact me here:

www.dontdiebeforeyouredead.ca

www.merrimacartney.com

Keep well and stay safe. Happy trails to you.

That particular son became quite the traveler and ended up becoming a minimalist. He bought stuff and sold stuff when he moved on. What a world view he gained living in multiple countries until he married and had a daughter. Although they have settled, he has maintained his minimalist view and is not a collector of stuff. Even his daughter lets go of those toys she no longer plays with and enjoys donating them to others.

My son and I have often talked about what’s the most important collection of all. Memories are what we both agree are our most prized possessions. There is nothing he likes more than to share his life experiences as a traveler. Using internet videos he teaches his daughter that the world is so much bigger than just their inner circle.

As for me, I am blessed to savor amazing memories from the experiences and adventures that my husband Joe and I lived before he passed way too early. We didn’t have that many years together as we were both in our 40’s when we met and married. That didn’t stop us from seeking an active lifestyle even to the extent of buying a sailboat. This alarmed many of our friends as neither he nor I knew anything about sailing. But we learned.

Being both teachers, we were able to spend our summers on our boat exploring ports and anchorages.  Many times we either dropped our anchor to bob around or tied off to trees on shore where we could do some sight seeing. One such climb took us to the top of an escarpment where the vista was breathtaking. Our pictures have become my treasures.

But it isn’t the pictures that are my prized possessions. It is the memories that I can relive and relive any time I want. If we had chosen to listen to our friends and not take the risk to become sailors, I wouldn’t have those memories to keep me company now that Joe has done. If we had put things off until later, nothing would have happened because later didn’t come for Joe.

Go make memories. They are what will sustain you when you can no longer do what you love. Don’t take life for granted that it will be here when you’re ready as we have no guarantees. Live fully every single day.

This was something that I had never considered before. Looking at a momentary decision through the perspective of whether or not it would be regretted later. What if we thought of our daily decisions through this lens? How would that impact our hindsight in years to come?

There is a tendency for us to be what others want us to be. It makes for more peaceful relationships with them yet leaves ourselves short changed. Unless we are completely satisfied taking the easy route in the meantime.  Then we alone are left with the regrets.

No others will ever suffer from the regrets we will have later.  Are we prepared for that? When we sit in our rocking chairs in our golden years, where will those others be?  I suspect they will be pondering their own regrets. What a waste.

Live your life in such a way as to know that when you are done, you will have lived the meant you wanted, not the one others wanted for you.

Take steps every day to decide for yourselves. Make the memories that will give you joy. Avoid at all cost living in the Land of Regrets.

Coypright 2021 Merri Macartney. Founder – Don’t Die Before You’re Dead Movement – Inspires & motivates to keep seniors physically fit & maintain strong mental health to live life fully. “You might not be able to do everything, but Yes You Can do something!”

Email: Merri@merrimacartney.com

Phone: 519-881-6339

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/MerriMacartneyDDBYD

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/MerriMacartney

However, when really thinking about it, one doesn’t look so sweet when clinging to the knot. At least I know I don’t. I am usually frazzled, beyond myself with arms and legs akimbo and far from being speechless.

Crazy lady images come more to mind. In fact, I remember one day, my second son really taking a risk by telling his brothers not to worry about it; mom was just yelling again! And he lives to talk about it!

What is it like for you when you get there? Do you see it coming? Can you head it off at the pass?

Do you recognize these phrases: I am stretched to the limit; I have reached the end of my patience?

I bet you do. Was there one that was used more often in your home as you grew up? Do you you it too? What exactly does running out of patience mean? This is how dictionary.com defines patience:

“noun – the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.”

Yep. That’s what I thought. It is very clear to me that the signs of being out of patience would be as obvious as a zero bank balance. It would be very apparent to all. Or so my kids tell me.

We know what it takes to get our bank accounts refilled. Do we know how to get our patience refilled? Is it really as easy as a change of pace, going on a coffee date, perhaps a walk around the block or some serious expression of annoyance?

Those expressions have been known to cause some pretty disastrous relationship issues. How about creating a specific formula? A pill to swallow or a potion to drink could solve it all. Really? Where’s the learning in that?

Before we know it, we’d be right back where we started. Have you seen all the Calm sayings that were posted on Facebook?

There was a whole seris of the Stay Calm theme. The words written on posters, T-Shirts and coffee mugs told us many ways to stay calm. Stay calm and take action. Ours to choose which one.

I got thinking that if this theme was so popular with so many sayings, then losing one’s patience must be a universal issue.

As humans we tend to have lots to deal with and we need to have a way to deal with it. Makes us members of a very large club.

If you are like me and you have a tendencey to be somewhat – and I use that term loosely – vocal about your “end of the rope” situation, then perhaps we could work together, volunteer to handle phone calls for the sole purpose of venting and saving others from wrath.

Nah! No one wants to be on the other end…let’s just leave voice mail messages that self-erarse. Out with the bad air; in with the good. Patience restored.

Coypright 2019 Merri Macartney. Merri works with organizations that want to merge laughter and learning to boost morale, reduce stress and enhance the wellbeing of their staff.

Email: Merri@merrimacartney.com

Twitter: @Speaker_Merri

Phone: 519-881-6339

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/MerriMacartneySmartyPants

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/MerriMacartney

For more information on Merri’s business check out http://www.merrimacartney.com

That makes you a member of a very large club. Many of us can get overwhelmed by the enormity of a task. It is hard to see where to start. We might look at it and see a huge ball of string with no tail sticking out to aid in the unraveling. Do what’s a person to do?

We know that answer to the question: How do you eat an elephant?  Answer: One bit at a time.

We hear this and we all laugh but don’t implement it as oten as perhaps we could. My clients often tell me that they tend to just jump in and struggle trying to find that elusive starting point. And they say that the closer the deadline, the more anxious they become to get started. No time to do the heads up prep work.

The stress level usually builds as the timer ticks on. Sometimes the anxiety turns to panic and with that comes difficulty focuing, staying on task and even sleeping or eating. Instead of stress de-escalating as the work comes together, it elevates as the deadline looms.

These 3 steps can make the difference in how stressed you are when the task is completed.

Take a Bird’s Eye View of the Task

What do you see? What is the overall objective and result when finished? Stephen Covey says to start with the end in mind. Knowing why you are doing this work can cause your appoach to be more creative and align with your work style. This planning can take as much as a day but will save you time in the long run. Don’t rush to get started. Stay calm to plan it all out.

Chunk the Task into Manageable Bites

Yes, the elephant adage is not just a fun thing; it is a critical tool to use in addressing the bigger tasks. We usually know way more than we actually implement. This is one of those often forgotten lessons that fail to make it to the production site.

How can you piece this into smaller bites to accomplish one at a time? With that comes the sense of accomplishment of actually getting somewhere. This goes a long way to balancing the amount of stress involved. Instead of it building, it will stay level or in best case scenario, decrease.

Break Down the Deadlines to Match Bites

Once the overall task is divided, then divide the deadline date into the appropriate timelines to match the bites. You allot a certain amoount of time to accomplish each and work to meet that deadline. For the time being, forget about the final deadline. If you meet each of these, you can’t help but meet the final one.  Don’t forget to add the final review time when the task is completed. You’ll want time to go over your work rather than just rush to push it out without another glance.

I guess a final word could be added here…okay, maybe two!  Don’t forget to breathe. Don’t forget to balance your work with leisurely time with family and friends, or maybe even some self-care alone time. Defeat the stress before it defeats you.

Coypright 2019 Merri Macartney. Merri works with organizations that want to merge laughter and learning to boost morale, reduce stress and enhance the wellbeing of their staff.

Email: Merri@merrimacartney.com

Twitter: @Speaker_Merri

Phone: 519-881-6339

Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/MerriMacartneySmartyPants

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/MerriMacartney

For more information on Merri’s business check out http://www.merrimacartney.com

There are those who believe that being planned is the most important way to live life. From the time they get up to the time they go to bed, they are focused on crossing their tasks off the To-Do list. If something comes up suddenly, they are more inclined to say no because it would cause too much upset to rearrange a scheduled agenda.

Those who live spontaneously – “on the edge” so to speak – can’t imagine having things so tightly controlled. They are what they like to call free spirits. They want to be able to go for the gusto when it happens.

So which is better? Is one better than the other?  There are benefits to both but the key is to make sure there is a balance. People who plan things usually get more done than those who don’t. Those who are more spontaneous usually live with fewer regrets in their old age.

Perhaps a blend of both would be in order. Some things are better planned and then plan to leave some time for spontaneity. Be balanced.

Zig Ziglar says that you will either say, “I wish I had or I’m glad I did.”

Live life in such a way as to grow old without regrets. Wouldn’t this be an amazing goal?

Coypright 2019 Merri Macartney. Merri works with organizations that want to merge laughter and learning to boost morale, reduce stress and enhance the wellbeing of their staff.

Email: Merri@merrimacartney.com
Twitter: @Speaker_Merri
Phone: 519-881-6339
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/MerriMacartneySmartyPants
LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/MerriMacartney
For more information on Merri’s business check out http://www.merrimacartney.com

Then why do we need a dictionary you might ask. Isn’t that so we all have the same meaning in order for us to communicate – to exchange our thoughts and ideas from one to another.

That is the ideal however some have had some experiences which change how they receive the words. It’s not just a matter of having different meanings but of having different experiences. Take the word should for instance. This word is often used to advise someone of how they “should” or “should not” be doing something. If used repeatedly, an aversion to its use might be made. It can be seen as a judgement as if what they had done wasn’t good enough.

If we listen carefully, we will hear this word used often in conversations. Many times the speaker of the word might just be suggesting that there is more than one way to do something. If this lands on the person mentioned above who has been told many times how they should have acted, then it might cause some unintentional ruffling of feathers.

The word but can often have the same kind of uncomfortable effects. In most cases, but is used as a way of suggesting that the aforementioned part of the statement isn’t exactly true. For instance, if the statement is something like, “You did a really great job, but it would have been better if you’d added more detail.” Then the question calling out is whether or not the job was good after all.  Once more judgement rears its ugly head causing an already sensitive listener to feel that they have not done well at all.

It is said that the word but negates all that has been said previously. Pay careful attention to how you use this word and watch to see the reaction of others when you do.  They might be telling you that they get the real meaning of what your statement says.  Is it what you really mean?

After all, we use words to communicate what we think and feel to others. Is yours doing what you intend?

For the past couple of years I have been the 24/7 caregiver for my husband who had a rare neurological illness – Progressive Supranuclear Palsy (PSP). He passed away last year.

It was my privilege to care for him. Joe was my third husband and I, his third wife. We shared so much joy and laughter after our practice marriages and finally getting it “right”. It was a no-brainer to shelve my career in order to care for him. Rather than spend my days somewhere entertaining and educating others, I got to share those final days with the love of my life.

So today I begin anew. I will not fall prey to any perfectionist thoughts that say I have to catch up for missing time – the missing blogs. There are no regrets which haunt me. Instead I have incredible memories.

Are you struggling to catch up? Are you buckling under the pressure? Do you wonder what others will think if you simply let go and move on?

It isn’t about what others think. It’s about what you can live with. I believe that sometimes we are the only ones who place these outrageous expectations on ourselves. So to you I say, let it go.

Shed the regrets and get busy making memories. Store them up for when you need them most.

In so many ways, we also learn that asking for help can be seen as a sign of weakness.  In so many ways, it does help us to do a lot of personal development.  We struggle almost continuously.  And all the while, we are at the ready to lend a helping hand to any who ask.  

Isn’t this rather crazy?  We consider it a privilege when someone reaches out to us and asks us to help them with something.  We like how it makes us feel; first to be chosen and then the sense of pride as we are able to complete something that makes someone’s life easier.  Our helping others enriches our lives, validates it and makes adds to our happiness.

Am I not right?  Think back to the last time you helped someone.  What did you help with?  Help with a move?  Fixing something?  Sharing your expertise to get something to work properly?  How did you feel when you were done?  You might have been tired to the bone but my guess is you also felt elated.

So tell me then, why is it we don’t let others help us?  Why do we deny them the same experience by not reaching out and asking them to help us?

For some, that is a very hard thing to do. As we grew up, we learned that we needed to be independent, to be able to manage our own needs or perhaps that people couldn’t be trusted and wouldn’t be there for you.  All of that might be true, but there comes a time when we need to admit that we can’t it alone. How much stress do we pile onto ourselves because our egos demand we have to be strong in all things?  And yet, the real strength comes in admitting we need help and it’s okay.

Can you imagine anyone in your sphere refusing to come to your aid if you asked for help?  Me neither. What do you suppose would be there response to your request?  Would it look like this?

I do think that is so.  Yet it has taken a lot for me to reach out and feel okay with it.  Even if my husband couldn’t (or wouldn’t) do something in what I considered to be a satisfactory time, I would jump in to do it myself.

Well, now that my hubby is ill and can no longer do his customary jobs around the house, I have had to take them on. But only because I deemed it so.  Finally when I was burning myself out and getting beyond my skill level, I had to ask others to stand in the gap.  And you know what? They were thrilled.

You see, they knew the situation. They wanted to help but didn’t know how and didn’t want to intrude. When I finally asked, they were happy that now they could actually do something to take some of the pressure off me.  I have to admit that I didn’t realize the toll it was taking on me.  I was acting like Superwoman; like the old song, I am Woman Hear Me Roar….

The truth of the matter was that I was putting myself at risk and possibly jeopardizing the care my husband needed. My perception of being strong because I didn’t need anyone was wrong.  I wasn’t being strong.  I was being foolish and weak. It wasn’t until I swallowed my misdirected pride and reached out that I realized that that was where the real strength was.

How are you doing?  Are you living a myth thinking that the courage it takes you to manage on your own is your strength?  Are you actually burning yourself out by adding unnecessary stress?  Consider letting others help; consider letting them experience the same joy and privilege you feel when you get to help others.

When you help others you give the gift of yourself.  Letting others do the same for you allows them to give their gift to you.  We are always better at giving gifts than receive them. But it is something we can all learn to change.  It all starts with the decision to make that change. When will you make your decision?

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