I discovered I was indecisive quite by accident.

 It was during a personality type assessment done in class when I was in Teacher’s College.  Yes, I kind of knew that I struggled with making decisions but I didn’t realize how much it invaded my life. I had failed to see how often I had just shelved some decision-making until a time when I thought it would be easier. Know what? It never got easier.

In fact, what happened is that things just piled up due to my lack of making a decision and moving on. Now you might think that would have held me back and not let me be successful in life. Not so…well not exactly. I was really good at making decisions when faced with a deadline…and more so with a deadline with dire consequences. Can you say stressful?

The problem was that in my personal life, I didn’t have the same kind of deadlines and if I tried to impose them on myself, I was far too forgiving.  Extensions could be had with a simple plea for mercy.  So what’s a person like me to do?

3 Steps to Eliminate Indecisiveness…

Identify the fear:

When faced with indecision it is usually because we fear something.  For me, I was afraid that I would make a choice I’d regret, that I wouldn’t like my choice and wish I hadn’t made it. I then learned that if I didn’t make a decision, I wouldn’t be faced with the possibility of regret.  For instance, I would put off having a chocolate bar until I couldn’t stand it any longer. When I did give in, I wanted it to be absolutely mouth-watering.  If I choose wrongly, I would regret my decision and not experience the thrill I wanted.

This is a very simple example but similar in other situations. Choosing a car, a restaurant, or even maybe a spouse.  All of which I’ve done; more than once.  And that would take a whole new blog to deal with that subject.

Once the fear is identified, then choosing should be easier.  It won’t always be right but at least it will be a decision.

 Don’t overthink it:

It is easy to get caught in a trap of overthinking which can lead to indecisiveness. It’s hard to make up our minds when we keep thinking new reasons to do or not to do.  Usually the best approach would be to consider your “gut” instincts.  Many people believe that their “gut” saves them from making wrong decisions.  What’s your take on this?

For the most part I get into trouble when my “gut” tells me something and I completely ignore it.  Known as that wee small inner voice, it has often brought to mind something I should pay attention to and yet I don’t. Know what I mean?

It takes discipline and practice to listen to that inner voice. I am sure you will find, like I have, that once I hear and heed what it says, decision-making seems so much easier.  At least I experience less regret.

Let it go:

When a decision goes wrong, as it sometimes will, it is so important to let it go and get past it. Mistakes happen all the time. The best thing to do is to learn from it but not make you afraid to make a mistake next time.  This can lead to indecisiveness too.  Back to fear of course, but this is about letting it go.

Just think of all the people who marry a second or third time even though the first marriage ended in divorce.  They might question their decision, then their ability to make decisions.  This is how I felt and so I got some expert advice to help me with the next decision. I was able to leave my bad experiences in the past and it allowed me to move forward.  And you can too!

So how do you decide?  By using all the tools you have in your toolbox. And if your toolbox is empty or nearly so, then start by getting your tools.  Ones like these are a MUST:

1. 1. Everyone needs a mentor/coach.  When it comes to making decisions, sometimes we just can’t step far enough away from the situation to see things clearly.  Ever had someone point out something so obvious that you just had to smack your forehead as you say, “Duh”?
   2. Read. Read. Read.  Mentors are everywhere and you can find them online, in your local library and bookstores.  The secret of success isn’t really a secret as many people have written tell-all books.  Find biographies of those who are doing or have done what  you want to do.Ask someone to recommend some great reading for you. Ask me. I have a personal list of my favourites that you can have just for asking.  I have read every book that is on my list.  People refer books to me and they only go on the list once I agree it is worthy.  Don’t waste time reading outdated or inferior books…at least not for business. Escaping with something totally mind-numbing is okay on occasion but not for building life skills.
   3. Most people have great inner intuition but fail to recognize it or tap into it. Why?  Because they are so busy “doing” that they forget to take the time to stop and listen to that inner voice.  The answers are quite often within us but we need to step out of the hub-bub of our daily lives in order to hear it.  Mediation is one such practice that allows for that.  Often just a simple walk surrounded by the quietness of nature does it.  When was the last time you spent any time in quiet solitude?  For most it has been a long time.

Often we tend to give ourselves too many things to change at one time.  Like New Year’s Resolutions, and we know how those work or not… The above tips are but just 3. Enough to give you a start but not so much as to overwhelm you.  Can you give maybe even just one a try next time you are faced with a pretty serious decision.

This might not get you off the tightrope but at least you’ll get a sense of a safety net being there to help support whatever you decide.  And that’s what it is all about.  Let’s get support from others to help us move forward.

Remember, if you want a reading list, just add a comment below and it’ll be on the wire right out to you.