We talk about the speed of cars in terms of how fast they can get from zero to sixty and that is measured in seconds. After all, it is so really very important that our car will spring us into action at a stop light so we can be first at the next one. Is this a status symbol? For some it is.

Is the crux of the problem with road rage why people are demanding to get to where they are going faster?

What else has to go faster? Download speeds, when we want the next hit song or movie, become part of the negotiations in purchasing new computers. It used to be that we had fast food but with the increase in choices now the delivery has not sped up but rather slowed down so that it is no longer fast but merely FUN or convenient. And of course all of our communications have become faster as we no longer need to wait to connect with someone as they are simply a text away.

One of the aspects of our lives that has sped up and it is not a good thing is how we have a tendency to lose our cool. Rather than try to remain calm and ask for clarification, emotions get riled and we spring to our defenses. Often this done without taking that pause to see just how a statement might have been meant. Thinking the worst right away and reacting badly has caused many broken relationships.

For one of my seminars, I illustrated an experiment. I took a pot and put a couple of cups of cold water in it and put it on the highest setting on my stove. Then I timed how long it would take for the water to boil. The result was 8 minutes. Twenty minutes later I took the same pot with the same water which was not merely hot not boiling and put it on the same stove at the same setting. How long do you think it took to boil? You know this, don’t you.

The result was 2 minutes.

It is clearly evident by this that if we are going around all the time being a little “hot under the collar” it will be much easier and will be considerably faster to boil over and really lose our cool. Hence the tired old phrases about staying cool, keep your cool and cool off are so important. We need to cool down before we boil over. And speed is of the essence.

Have you ever said things you didn’t mean but said in haste when angry?  I think we all have done so at one time or another.  We were too anxious, angry, agitated – hot under the collar – to think carefully and slowly.  We spoke too fast and blurted out things that ought not to have been said.

The sad part about these hastily spoken words is that you can’t undo what damage they might have caused. No one can unring the bell; repair what has been broken; or forget we ever saw the dimming of the light in someone’s eyes.  Fast doesn’t count here.

For the sake of the people in our lives, we must tend to the fires that keep burning and keep us just on the edge of boiling over.  The trick here is not let ourselves get so hot in the first place.  Wouldn’t it be safer for all  if we would monitor our core temperatures?  When we find our temperatures rising how can we best turn down the thermostat?  That will be different for each of us.

10 Tips to Lower Our Temperature:

• a cold shower is always a good choice
• read something meditative/inspirational/comedic/etc
• setting regular routines to acquire sufficient sleep
• take up drinking – water that is to stave off dehydration which can seriously affect moods
• find time to play again
• hang out with friends and don’t talk shop
• get outside for some fresh air and go for a walk
• eat so blood sugars are stable and there are no crashes
• sit where the scenery is breathtaking and awe inspiring
• your favourite pastime hobby

These are just a few that could work for most of us.  Find a couple that you could turn to immediately if you need to. Sometimes we need to drop that temperature in a hurry; other times we’ve got some leeway.  It is important for us to know ourselves and how best to handle our inclinations. Maintaining a lower range of temperature is the healthiest choice for ourselves, our relationships and for our careers.

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You know what I mean. It tends to be the first efforts we make at conversing with our fellow man…or woman.

However, it does seem to be the one topic that we can all agree is safe. No matter who you are, what position in society you hold or your age, you can always offer up a weather related comment. “Nice day, isn’t it?” “Oh, it’s a cold one out there!” “Great to see the sun out at last.”

Any of these comments are sure to elicit a rather agreeable comment in return. Like I said, weather is safe. No chance of someone being nasty or returning a snarling retort. Ever receive a “No. It’s not a nice day”? Didn’t think so.

Weather Provides Variety

For us, the seasons give us all kinds of varied weather to discuss especially in the weeks at the beginning and the end. Right now, I’d bet (if I was a betting person, which I’m not) that there are all kinds of remarks about the passing of winter and the approaching of spring. This we can attribute to Groundhog Day.  Comments like “Thank God it’s over”, “It’s beginning to smell like spring” or my personal favorite “Winter won’t last forever”.

Do you ever wonder what people use for their conversational small talk in other countries? Ones with weather like ours probably have the same kind of meet and greets going on. But what about those countries where the temperature and conditions are for the most part constant? Do they ever say things like, “Boy, sure do feel that one extra degree today, don’t you?” “I hear there’s a wee bit less humidity in the air today”.

Or those countries during the rainy season where rain comes day in and day out. Do you think they ever say, “Oh, looks like rain” or “Wonder if we’ll see the sun today”? Does seeing someone carry and umbrella evoke the same “Think it’ll rain?”

So what topic or topics do you suppose they use for small talk?

Is there any as safe as the weather? If we chose sports what would that look like? “Say, did you hear that the Blue Jays have been winning some games down in spring training.” Imagine the responses. “Who cares? I don’t like baseball. And if I did I wouldn’t like the Blue Jays.” Wow!  What a conversation stopper!

How would it work with the Oscars?

“Wasn’t it great that The Revenant got so many nominations?” From that response you might get any number of responses…especially this year with all the controversy. “I’m not into movies.” “I don’t watch the Oscars so I don’t care who gets nominated or who wins.” “I’ll wait till they all come on Netflix.”  Or maybe just a simple, “Yes”, ending any idea of having a discussion. There is also the possibility of hearing some people-bashing about what was worn last year by whom and who they were with.  Of course, the good, the bad and the ugly about the job the host did.  Doesn’t sound like a safe small talk topic to me!

I think it would be reasonable to rule out politics, religion and sex as substitutes for those simple pleasantries. These would certainly have the potential to raise a few eyebrows and possibly create deep furrows as well. Perhaps a scowl or two or maybe even a snarl.  These topics are also likely to bring about unpredictable responses, quite unlike weather when you know pretty much what to expect. Definitely not suited to filling those few face-to-face moments when a comment eases the awkwardness.

Yes, indeed. Weather does seem to be a good choice for those very few times when you’ve only got a few moments to chat. It seems to work well at smoothing out some awkwardness that silence might otherwise bring. In small towns it is more customary to speak to others while waiting in line or even riding in the elevator. Catching someone’s eye, sharing a smile usually begins the simple conversation. And unless there is a distinct shared experience, weather is the subject of the small talk.

Don’t take  my word for it. Check it out yourself. Just for one day while you are going about your business, listen to how many times you hear some small talk and how much of it is about the weather. Then think of what else it might have been about. If you get some really good tips, put them in the comments and share. Maybe it’s time to change and we can create a small talk movement.

Let’s make an effort to add some variation to our small talk.  Let’s change how we engage others…prepare some opening lines…now don’t be cheesy – but be provocative and just see if you don’t have more meaningful dialogue.